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Saturday, October 29, 2011

I'm a Bawler, I'm a Mother

This one goes out to the Bailey Girls.

I'd like to add a preface to my tale, as it is not meant to be sad, but hopeful; a way to see how emotions are powerful and can effect all of us differently.  Here goes...

I was maybe seven or eight when I attended my great-grandmother's funeral.  My mom and I had made a special trip beforehand to the store to pick out a black velvet dress, white tights, and black shoes.  Later while we stood outside near the casket at the grave site, I found myself crying uncontrollably, and the sleeves to my pretty black dress suffered the consequences of not having tissues on hand.

After the service, one of my aunts came up to me and said, "so you're a bawler, too?"  She had wadded tissues in her hand, and had obviously been crying just as hard as I had been, her eyes pinked and her voice cracking.  I didn't know my great-grandmother well, and was quite surprised at the strong reaction I had had at her funeral.  But it was sad.  And I had felt the need to cry.  So, I did.

Now that I'm a mother to be, the cliché is that I am overly emotional, cry easily, and snap at little things.  I'm sure Brad can attest that I may have these reactions with pregnancy, but crying easily - for both big moments and tiny passing thoughts - was a symptom I had long before.

I fall for the usual triggers - weddings, funerals, big life events - , but can have the same response for children's movies, commercials that show soldiers returning to their families, reports on NPR about hopeful or tough life choices, TV dramas with emotional scenes... the list goes on.  I'm a Bawler, folks, plain and simple.  And despite it being slightly embarrassing when my reaction is out of place, I've come to terms that it's part of who I am, and I'm sure motherhood will only intensify that reaction.  So sorry kiddo, but your momma is a Bawler.

When I meet Baby H-G, I most likely will cry.  In fact, I would be surprised if I didn't cry.  This little guy nestled inside my belly has been my companion for the past 32+ weeks, and I can't wait to see what he looks like, what it's like to hold him, and hear his heart beat when I place my ear on his chest.

32 1/2 Weeks

So no matter your circumstances, I think there comes a point where we recognize our strengths, our weaknesses, and grow by building on our strengths and learning from our weaknesses.

From friends, family and strangers alike who have shared advice and guidance about having kids, we know the months and years to come will be exciting, terrifying, joyful, difficult and a lot of fun, but that's what life is all about, right?

I'm a Bawler, Wife, Blusher, Sister, Hugger, Daughter, Shower-Singer, Friend, Knitter, Mother... - what about you?


1 comment:

  1. Love it! I am also a bawler when pregnant... and just in being a mama. Those postpartum hormones are somethin' else as well. :-) I was so overwhelmed meeting Jude, I don't think I as crying as much as I was almost hyperventilating (without tears)... it was so surreal. I can't wait until you get to experience that as well!!